another day

Hi :D

I often have a hard time getting out of my head. It feels safe there...No real connections therefore there is no real emotions. It is something I am working on. For so long my mother kept me locked in a cage; I had to learn not to exist in order to not get hurt. Numb. That has been my only feeling for so long in my eating disorder. But that is not today; and it hasn't been that way for a long time. I am learning that there are just no solutions to life's pains. We simply learn to take them with us; make them part of who we are. I am learning to let things be; to let them hurt. Let the whole exist. I find that by doing that I learn more about myself. I am not afraid of it. I get to grow and my pain becomes part of me. The tender spot that makes me human; the part that I get to share with the rest of the world. It is through my pain that I feel alive. I embrace it. Today I had no expectations I just let it unfold. It is so amazing to just let life happen. That thought used to never exist in my brain. I felt that life had a "should be plan"; ohh so far from the truth. Tonight I got to share my pain with a close friend. It amazed me how being real and vulnerable allowed someone else to share their pain. That in my story someone could identify...it is so rewarding.